Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
