i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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