This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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