On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize