i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
