he shaved USA in his pubs
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
