I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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