just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
