I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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