I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
