Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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