id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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