You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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