Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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