HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
