am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
