I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
