It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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