I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
