I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
