Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the day after is always just damage control
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
