How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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