and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
