Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
