does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize