Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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