i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
