You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
NoShamevember. You game?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
