Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
