WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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