I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
