There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
