i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize