I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize