I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
