a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize