i permit you to call me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
