He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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