I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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