thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
