im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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