Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The struggles of a small town man whore
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
