if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
