can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
