whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
