i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
