I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
