whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
