Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize