two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
