shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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