My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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