my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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