he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
