I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
