if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize