Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
