haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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