You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i now understand why vodka
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
