Where is the hickey?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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