Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
