tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
