I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
