Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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