I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
