Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
