Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
