It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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