Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
