my vag is so smooth its legendary
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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