I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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