I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
