My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
