I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
