I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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