I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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