I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
