Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
