Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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