i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
