guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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