the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
