she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
