did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
