I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
