Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
