So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
