Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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