At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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