Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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