For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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