just come out here and I will go home with you...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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