There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
