Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
