what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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