in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
