oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize