well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
