hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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