There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
