I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
