Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
