I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
