I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
